This Is What Failure Taught Me with Chisom

In this solo episode, Overnight Wisdom host Chisom Udeze steps away from her usual seat as interviewer to share her own story — the lessons, losses, and wisdom behind about two decades of building.

From founding a school in Nigeria, to leading global consulting work, to creating one of her companies, HerSpace — a women’s community born during the pandemic — Chisom reflects on what it means to build with purpose and to start over after things fall apart.

She opens up about what didn’t work: the lack of systems, emotional decisions, underpricing, and overextending herself to make everyone happy. And what did work — a vibrant, inclusive community, meaningful connections, and a deeper understanding of her own resilience.

This episode is a meditation on entrepreneurship, courage, and rebirth. It’s for anyone who’s ever dreamed, built, failed, and dared to try again.

Because as Chisom reminds us — failure isn’t final; it’s feedback. And the courage to build again might just be one of the greatest wisdom of all.

Transcript

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Welcome to Overnight Wisdom, a show where we sit with changemakers, artists, business leaders, and thinkers. Each conversation is an invitation to slow down, to go deeper, and unearth the quiet insights that shape who we are. If you're seeking honest reflections, unexpected wisdom, and a deeper understanding of what it takes to not merely survive, but to thrive. You're in the right place. I've built businesses that worked well and others that didn't. And if there's one thing I've learned, it's this. Failure isn't final, it's feedback. And to be frank, in general, I rarely see failure as failure. I see it as data. In this episode, I want to share something a little different. No guests, no questions, just me, the person behind Overnight Wisdom, reflecting on what it truly means to build, to stumble, to pivot, and to begin again. Over the years, I've built schools, consulting firms, nonprofits and communities. But one venture, HerSpace, changed everything for me. It was born from loneliness and longing, from the desire to create a village when I had none. It became a space where women gathered, mothers found belonging, and community was built brick by brick until the world shut down. And when the pandemic came, everything I hadn't planned for became clear. No systems, too much emotional hiring, prices that didn't match the cost of sustainability, and a four-year lease I couldn't escape. Yet, what did work was profound, a real tangible community, a place where people exhaled, felt seen, and redefined what belonging looks like in a foreign land. I do not see that venture as a failure. In fact, it exists to this day. I see it as data, a master class in clarity, courage, and responsibility. In this episode, I share the lessons that continue to guide how I build today. Don't sign a lease without a strategy or exit plan. Accessibility must meet sustainability. Hire slowly, let go faster. Don't mistake emotional fulfillment for a viable business plan. Take radical responsibility because stagnation, not failure, is the real enemy. This is a story about failure and freedom. About knowing when to hold on and when to let go. If you've ever built something that didn't turn out the way you hoped, or if you're standing on the edge of starting again or rebuilding something new, this one is for you. because sometimes wisdom does not come from getting it right the first time. It comes from breaking, from learning and from rebuilding. Let's get into it. Today's episode is a little different. I wanted to share more about me, the person behind the questions, and a little bit about what I'm currently working on. Within the context of this conversation, I have founded a couple of companies and I am on the verge of starting a new one. I'm definitely starting a new one. I'm just at the beginning phase. my career in business ownership and dreaming started early on watching my mother build her ventures from ground up. I joined her for work a lot of times. And was really remarkable to me seeing just how she created. ideas and brought them to life. Before officially going out on my own in business, I have spent over a decade working at, formal organizations. I worked in academia, I worked in oil and gas, I worked in finance, I worked in the nonprofit space and in civil society. So I did test. little bit of the water of working in corporate life and I always knew about myself that I don't necessarily want to work for people but I want to work with people on my own terms at my own pace. I move fast, I think strategically, I rarely hesitate. Maybe I should hesitate more. But once I see something isn't working, I pivot very quickly. don't have a lot of what I see within workplaces that are more formalized. And I understand that there is a reason behind this. But that decision paralysis where the system is so bureaucratic that what should be done does not actually get done. So after more than a decade of navigating that world, was ready. You know, I felt I paid my dues, so I'm going to go out on my own. In 2013, I took my first step into entrepreneurship. With some savings, a few friends, and my now husband, and of course, support from my mother, we began building a primary and secondary school in Nigeria. Now the story, the construction of that school, the challenges, the lessons, is one for another day. But shortly after I started a boutique consulting firm. It small, intentional and global. I wanted freedom and I got it. That work has been largely fulfilling. I have grown it since with a team of really remarkable people. I have since worked with companies across the world building strategies, advising leaders and shaping systems that actually work. And I think about a year and a half or so after I founded my boutique consulting company, I founded Diversify, my nonprofit organization here in Norway. And it wasn't really an organization I planned for. It started as an occasional side project that evolved into something bigger. we've built programs across countries. We tackle issues like health equity, migration, economic justice. I mean, it's necessary work. It's messy. It's meaningful. It's emotionally demanding. And then the next company I built after that is called Hirspace. And that is the company I want to lean into for this conversation. Hirspace was built during COVID. a company that in some ways was a success and is a success because it still exists to this day. And in other ways, it wasn't so successful. And I say that with so much love, so much gratitude and clarity. So The story of her space. Her space was born out of emotion. It was born out of loneliness. It was born out of longing. I had just become a mother. in the pandemic and my side of the family couldn't visit and I was desperate for connection. I always believed that it takes a village to raise a child, but I had no village so I thought why not build one? HerSpace became a co-creation community for women, for mothers and allies. And as I already alluded, this wasn't just a business. This was an emotional investment. And to be honest, I don't even think I thought of it in the beginning phases as a business. You see, I live with anxiety. me, anxiety rarely immobilizes me, rarely paralyzes me. What it does for me, or perhaps how I have learned, to navigate it and deal with it and live with it is that it activates me. When I'm anxious, I create, I act, I build. It's how I regain a sense of control. I mean, there are also other methods I use to navigate the anxiety that I feel. Sometimes it's in naming the thing that scares me. And when I can make it smaller by naming it, it takes a little bit of that away just by saying this is the name afraid of this is a thing I am worried about and then the next question that rises up it's what is what now what are you going to do about it and often times it comes through creation or form of expression or writing creating something that gives that fear a sense of purpose in the sense where I think this fear this pain must mean something to me. But with her space, I think in many ways, that instinct, that anxiety I felt, that loneliness, that need for belonging and to create a village for myself, that instinct also came with a cost for better and for worse. So let me start this by framing it around what didn't work. I will also go into what worked and what I am learning and what I'm carrying into the next, my next journey of building a different kind of company. The first red flag with her space is we had no systems. Everything lived in my head. The vision, the strategy, the logistics. Of course, I spoke with my team about it and we created a really strong brand, I believe. But a lot of the long-term thinking, the vision, the strategy, the logistics did not exist beyond my husband and myself. And also, beyond my husband and me, most of the team that I had hired lacked experience in building or sustaining a business. You know, they have not previously, they're not entrepreneurs. They don't necessarily have business backgrounds, not that that is needed, but they did not necessarily have the skill to grow the organization in the way that it ought to have grown. I think also with clarity, I acknowledge that I hired people I liked. I hired people I wanted to support. I hired people who felt like home, but not necessarily people who could help the business grow. And that is a responsibility that I take. And that was at the time, a conscious decision. without really thinking about the long-term impact and outcome of what having a team that couldn't work cohesively together to build out the business could mean for the organization and for the company. I did see gaps within the team formation. I did see gap within the lack of systems, but I let them linger because HerSpace was giving me something else. It was filling my cup in other ways. And in many ways, also retained people I should have let go earlier out of a sense of loyalty rather than skill or what they could bring to the role. I did not hire for competence and that is something that sits with me and that is something that I have owned. I think I felt as a founder in that situation, the dreamer, the person with the vision that I also am due to the lack of systems. I carried most of the work. I paid salaries. I couldn't necessarily sustain and I really tried to make everyone happy. There was also the aspect of money. Our membership prices, because it was a co-working and co-creation space, our membership prices were really low, you know, and I rationalized it by thinking, okay, this is for accessibility. This is to create a village. This is to create a space where people can come in and thrive. But the truth is I just didn't run the numbers. I made emotional decisions in a space that required structural ones. And that is something that I have had to process, acknowledge, forgive myself for and move forward. Something else that is worth noting about her space was that I was tied to a four year contract because I saw the space, it was beautiful, it spoke to me, it was everything I had envisioned. And I said, yes. that contract required that we committed Now, this was at the initial point of the pandemic. No one really anticipated that the pandemic will go on for years. and unfortunately I had a contract that I had to hold up to. Eventually, to pay the bills, we pivoted. We rented out our space. I had intentionally and strategically put in multiple revenue streams. So we had money coming in from different angles within the company itself. So for example, we had a mini space where parents could bring their kids to and, you know, pay for that time with a carer. We had membership fees. had different tiers of membership fees. had co-working fees and we also had events that were open to the public in general. So that was also an income generating Avenue and we also rented out the space for baptisms for people's parties, people's bachelorettes, office gets-togethers and ultimately What was also the problem was that the fees were entirely too low to sustain the building that we had. I rationalized and I told myself at the time that we would get, enough. Patrons so to say to make up for it it's also important to note that for her space I rented a physical location was prime real estate, right in the heart of the city. Beautiful, beautiful space. Everything I had envisioned. Eventually, when the pandemic continued and the amount of people that could be in the space continued to shrink, it became apparent to me that this was not working out the way I had hoped. No one could have anticipated a pandemic. I think, of course, had the pandemic not happened, the situation would have been different. we would not have had so much struggles. But we never know because we did have a pandemic and that's where we're at. I remember during the pandemic, just like sometimes waking up when it just kept going on and on. you know, the, the, the amount of people who could get in a space went from, I think 60 to 40 to 20 to 10. I remember just waking up with heart palpitations. Like what have I done? What have I committed to? I also. started reflecting a lot about how emotional this decision was, but at that point I could not get out of it because I was tied to this contract and I had to make the best out of the situation. And also as a new mom, my daughter was just a few months old, navigating postpartum, trying to build this during COVID and realizing that, oh shit, what have I done? And unfortunately, I could not pull the plug I think as well that because HerSpace wasn't just a project, it was my dream of belonging made physical. So I rationalized that okay, this is what it is. Let's make it what it can be. And I wasn't quite sure how to let it go, especially since it was something that was bigger than me. But so that's kind of like what I frame around what I did wrong. I think no systems, no clear strategies, and definitely not having the right team to bring and grow this vision into what it could have been where the physical space is concerned. But I also want to share what we did get right. We built a community, a real tangible community. We created a space where people could walk in and exhale, where people felt seen, where they felt held and safe. Norway can be quite lonely. It can also be isolating, especially for newcomers. And being able to create that space meant so much to me and so many others. I think also just from experience of moving to Norway and feeling so isolated. And again, back to the, pain and my fears and my worries and my anxieties have to mean something to me. how I also rationalized building her space, the physical community was if this could minimize the isolation or distress people feel and how they integrate into this country, into the city, then that pain I endured in my own time would have meant something to me and HerSpace did exactly that. We're also the first of our kind in that we're a space that was quite intentionally inclusive and open to people, especially women, mothers, and people of color as well, felt welcome and seen within that space, especially in a country that is very homogenous. I think it was really fascinating how that space evolved. So many wonderful things happened in that space. We hosted arts and craft markets, we hosted yoga sessions, we hosted paint and sips, had corporate gatherings. we pivoted completely online during the pandemic and we built a digital community that stretched across Norway and also actually across the world We documented the entire process. The painting of the walls, the taping of the fabric onto the chairs. Just how we intentionally designed the space and we built a real buzz around it. here I would also give credit to some of the employees who were able to go onto the different social media groups to post about it, to share about it, to raise awareness about what we're building, because that requires a lot of admin work And as a result of that buzz and of that awareness, we built a real tangible community. many countries when you move there for the first time, as a lot of uh our members were internationals, trailing spouses, expats who had just moved to the country and were looking for a space to belong. when you come from warmer cultures where people are in your space where people chat you up. It can be quite jarring to be in Norway So in a country that can be lonely and quite isolating, especially for newcomers, it really mattered that we were able to create a space where people could walk into and just be and find friends and meet business partners and build community. And perhaps I think for me, the most beautiful part was seeing my daughter grow up in that space. It does take a village to raise a child. And that village raised my child in so many ways until she was about four, essentially, when we could get out of our contract. The women, the people who showed up. They held her, they laughed with her, they engaged her. And I can see how that continues to show up in her life today and how she engages in the world. And today, at almost six years old, I see the imprint of that love, of that community in how she moves in the world. She's confident, she's curious, she's deeply rooted in her sense of self. And I'm so grateful for that. we ended our lease, I let it go with gratitude, nostalgia, absolutely, but with gratitude. HerSpace, the physical location, was a cost to me financially. emotionally and mentally. But it also gave me lessons and learnings that I could never have bought or learned without not having gone through it myself. So here's what HerSpace has taught me. Don't sign a lease without a strategy. Don't tie yourself to a real estate commitment without a clear plan of how to cover those costs. I was tied to a four-year contract that I couldn't get out of. I will never do that again. My current office space has a six-month notice period. If I could have it for shorter, I absolutely would. A second lesson is that accessibility without sustainability will burn you out. and maybe this point is more relevant for the people who build companies or services that are community-based. It's important to think about accessibility in terms of price and cost, but you also need to be realistic because at the end of the day, you do not want to end up carrying a brunt of the work. You don't want to end up not being able to pay make sure what you are charging for whatever service, whatever product can cover the cost and then some. Accessibility is important, but if it's not sustainable, if it doesn't nourish you in your business, you will end up feeling resentful and you will burn out. A third lesson is hire slowly. I hired too quickly. I hired emotionally. I hired just based on people I liked and people I wanted to support. I will never make that mistake again. So hire slowly. You were better off not hiring at all than hiring the wrong person for your team. There are alternatives to hiring. So for example, you can instead hire a consultant where it's results-driven and if it's not working, you can let it go. So what I'm saying here is hire slowly and let go of people quicker. Now in some contexts, it's a lot more difficult to do that. So for example, in say countries like the US, you can let people go easily and in places like Norway, it's really difficult. to let people go. Now when you're building something at that early stage and you're hiring emotionally like I did, then you're also tied into a tricky situation because it becomes also really difficult to let people go. doing this now that I'm moving into starting a new company, these are all things I'm keeping in mind. How do I ensure that I have safeguards? that when I start needing people, which I know that time will come to be a part of the business, how do I ensure that they are the best people for the work? Not people I like, not necessarily people I want to support, but because they can help me grow that vision into more, That they are the smartest people in the world at what they do or what they are supposed to be doing. my lesson number four is not to mistake emotional fulfillment for a viable business plan. I could have still built that community without investing financially in the way that I did. Don't make emotional decisions. A fifth lesson is perhaps something that has been a strong anchor for me in my life as I build is my ability to take radical responsibility for every decision, every outcome, every delay, every dynamic. I could easily blame others, but the truth is that I participated in everything that happened. And that realization has made me a sharper leader. It has made me a better leader. It has made me a better builder and also just a much peaceful person where I have to take responsibility for the role I played in what was created without blame. And then a final lesson. that I don't fear failure. I fear stagnation. It's one of the things I got to know about myself. So yes, this physical space, you know, I honestly in the broad scheme of things do not think about it as a complete failure. It was a failure in terms of it did not materialize financially, but in other ways in the community it builds in what it did for the city and what it did for so many people. It was so, so, so nourishing and successful in that sense. it has taught me to be smarter. It has taught me to be wiser. It has taught me to make better business decisions and to check myself to ensure that the decisions I'm making are not based on emotions. But it has also showed me that I don't fear failure. What I fear is stagnating. I fear is not being able to make decisions or to move. Because for me, when I think of failure in my world, failure is just data. You know, it is feedback. It is the nudge to evolve, to pivot. So now as I'm building again, and this time, I'm building a product-based company and I hope to be able to share more and more over the coming weeks and months. I am intentionally doing things differently. know, where I did not have systems with HerSpace, I'm spending so much time right now building systems, building structures to enable the growth I want to see. and I know there will be growing pains. I'm doing a product-based business now, something I've never done before. So I know for an absolute fact that there will be growing pains, but I have systems and checks in place and I'm just acutely aware of all the mistakes I'm trying to avoid and all the things I'm trying to do better this time around. And in some ways, even recording this is holding myself accountable and a reminder not to repeat similar mistakes. There are mistakes that will come and mistakes I will learn from, but I trust myself in the process of having to pivot. where previously at HerSpace, you know, I kind of just took money out of my pocket and paid for things and did this and did that this time around. I am also funding my business, at least right now. I have not reached out to seek investors. What I'm doing is that I am calculating and documenting every cent that goes into every product because then this will allow me to track costs. It means that I can learn from my numbers and I can also ensure that the price that I put on products are reflective of the time and the efforts that actually goes into creating them. I'm trying to do better with focusing my energy, saying no to distractions, even brilliant distractions as somebody who loves ideas and I'm a well of ideas. I'm also trying to constrain myself in terms of I want to be laser focused in working on this specific company. And when I get it to a place where it needs to be, where it can bloom, then I can bring in other constructs. And at the same time, I'm acutely aware that I still have other businesses in this period while I'm building a new one. So it's really helping me drill into the, meetings do I not need to take? Which conversations do I not need to be in? Which project do we need to let go? Do we need to phase out? So I'm having this really hard conversations with myself, with my team, with my husband as well, trying to figure out how to keep this as lean as possible, as efficient as possible, just to ensure that we can be successful. Another thing I'm doing in this season is I'm prioritizing my health. I have always prioritized my physical health, but I also want to spend a bit more time prioritizing my mental health. I'm good with things like boundaries and we're checking in with myself and we're managing my anxiety. But I also want to actively and intentionally meditate more. I've been meditating every now and then over the past couple of months and I see how much it has been beneficial for myself for clarity to also declutter my mind and to remain focused on the goal and the dream and the vision. So I want to spend more time with meditating as well. Another thing I'm doing right now is focusing on systems before I focus on scale. this time around, I think maybe that's something that's come to me through meditation and practicing stillness is how can I focus on building the structure and the foundation before we fly? I guess given my experience, this is a no-brainer. I am going to hire for skill, not for sentiments. I am going to be focused on this. And I know that maybe things don't always work out and I'm going to ensure that there are safeguards to ensure that if a working relationship is not functional, that we can go our separate ways and we can move forward. But yes, I am going to ensure that the people I bring into this new company are skilled and can actively contribute to growth in a way that is measurable and trackable. This new business is bringing me lot of joy as someone who can get consumed with what I do. and having worked in equity and justice space for a very long time through my non-profits. I am also actively seeking the things that bring me joy now. And I know I will get consumed by it, but at least I'm getting consumed by the things that are not so heavy, the things that are light. And I'm really looking forward to it. I'm also prioritizing spending time with my family. because as much as I love to build, I also want to live. I also want to be 100 % present when I can, because I know in every season you have to make adjustments. to be present to my children. I want to be present to my husband. also, as much as my husband and I, work together a lot. I also want to be able to separate the working life from my home life. In general, I'm a firm believer that no situation, especially difficult ones, lasts forever and nothing changes until something moves. So if I am in a situation in my life feels uneasy, that's causing me anxiety, I need to act, I need to move, I need to take action. And this is what I want to continue to remember to do as I build my business, as I enter this next phase of my life. So yes, I guess perhaps maybe hopefully you know a little bit more about me now and about why I keep building the way I build, even when it seems like things are falling apart. As I step into the next phase of building, I want to keep sharing what I'm learning, the wings, the pivots and the truths in between, because I hope that perhaps in sharing, it feels less isolating and I'm not alone. And perhaps you're out there listening and you're also building. And maybe this is also a space where we can share and engage. Because ultimately that's the point. you build, you learn, you pivot or you begin again. And you keep. Choosing courage because it takes courage to build anything. It takes courage to build community It takes courage to start a business every single time it takes courage to fail It takes courage to accept that this might not work out or to it takes courage to end a relationship So thank you for listening next week. We'll be back to regular programming, I'll be joined by an extraordinary leader and author. And I can't wait to share that conversation with you. Thank you for being here. Thank you for spending time with us on Overnight Wisdom. If this conversation moved you, inspired you, or made you pause, please like, leave a comment, or share it with someone who needs to hear it. You can follow the show wherever you get your podcasts, and if you're feeling generous, a rating, or review, goes a long way in helping others find us too. Until next time, stay curious, stay tender, and may the wisdom you need find you exactly when you're ready.